Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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