if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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