It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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