the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
