Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
