I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
