I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
