Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize