Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
