wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
