I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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