allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
