you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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