I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
