I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
