You can't motorboat a personality
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize