i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
