Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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