What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
