i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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