Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
