Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
