She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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