Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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