im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
