Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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