im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
