I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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