Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
