i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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