Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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