Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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