you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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