I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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