My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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