there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
