Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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