Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
