Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
