he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
nutella sex= disaster
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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