Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
