there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
