What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
