He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she told me i tasted like america
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
