I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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