it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
