Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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