a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
