Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
