so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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