At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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