someone threw a dead crab at me
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
