I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
