Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
