What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
