the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
