sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
