Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
