i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
