please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
