Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
