I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It's just like the Real World with babies
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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