I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize