I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
