im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
PANTIES FOUND
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