No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
